Singleness is often viewed as an unfortunate situation to escape from, something that’s wrong, a gap that needs to be filled — especially for those over 30.
A recent post I encountered about single women over 35 went viral, suggesting that therapy is “necessary” for those who haven’t had a relationship by that age, or who’ve faced failed relationships. While therapy can be a powerful tool for healing and personal growth, this kind of advice requires deeper reflection, particularly in how it’s perceived in different cultural contexts.
When I read this, it made me reflect on something deeper — how discussions about relationships, personal growth, and healing can vary drastically across different cultures, particularly between English-speaking and Spanish-speaking communities.
The Complexity of Singleness and the Need for Nuance
In English-speaking environments, there’s a growing recognition of the nuances involved in adult life, especially when it comes to issues of singleness and relationships. Mental health and emotional well-being have become central topics, with many people studying shifts in behavior, societal pressures, and how these impact our choices in relationships. Studies show that men in particular are falling behind in certain areas, such as emotional intelligence, education, and mental health awareness. These findings are pushing conversations about singleness beyond just “fixing” people and focusing more on understanding the whys behind the choices people make — including the decision to remain single.
This kind of dialogue creates space for individuals to reflect on their personal journeys without the burden of external judgment. For many, it’s about recognizing that life doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all script. Therapy isn’t about proving that something’s “wrong” with you; it’s about understanding and growth. The messages around singleness are more nuanced — recognizing that it’s a phase of life that might need healing, introspection, or sometimes, simply the freedom to wait for the right person at the right time.
However, when you look at Spanish-speaking environments, particularly in Latin American cultures, there’s often a different narrative. Here, there’s a pervasive expectation of conformity — the timeline for relationship milestones is more rigid, and when someone doesn’t fit that mold, judgment often follows. This can be especially true for women, who are often expected to marry and start families by a certain age. If you’re past 30 or 35 and still single, you can quickly find yourself being labeled as “problematic,” “difficult,” or “too picky.” The question of why someone is still single is rarely met with empathy or a deeper exploration of life circumstances. Instead, it becomes a point of gossip and critique.
Judgment and the Pressure to Conform
In many Latin American cultures, there’s a strong emphasis on traditional family structures and the idea that marriage and children are fundamental to personal fulfillment and societal acceptance. When someone is not married or in a relationship by a certain age, the assumption is often that they’ve either failed or are somehow “behind.” This judgment, unfortunately, makes people feel like they have to defend themselves or justify their life choices.
In a cultural context like this, the idea that therapy might be “necessary” simply because someone is still single after 35 carries a lot of weight. It feels like an accusation, as though you are the one who is broken, not the world around you. And this isn’t just about individual relationships — it’s about society’s failure to accept diverse life paths, and the guilt that many single people feel as a result. It’s easy to see why a post like the one I mentioned earlier might resonate in these cultures, despite its flaws.
The reality is that there are many reasons why someone might still be single at 35 — from personal goals, career ambitions, to simply being in a season of waiting for the right person. For many people, being single isn’t a punishment; it’s a choice, a season of preparation, or a journey of healing. Therapy could be useful for someone who’s been hurt or traumatized, but suggesting that therapy is necessary simply because of a relationship status doesn’t account for the fullness of a person’s story. It oversimplifies a complex, deeply personal experience.
The Difference in the English-Speaking Conversation
In English-speaking cultures, there’s a broader conversation taking place about the “why” behind singleness. More people are recognizing that not being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean there’s something wrong with you. In fact, many people are choosing to stay single while they focus on personal growth, career goals, or healing from past trauma. Some are even advocating for a healthier view of relationships — one that doesn’t pressure people to couple up just because they’ve reached a certain age.
As this discussion evolves, we see a shift towards self-empowerment, where people are encouraged to live their best lives regardless of their relationship status. Therapy is no longer viewed as something you do when you’re “broken,” but as a tool for anyone who wants to grow and understand themselves better. This approach helps people reframe their lives with more empathy, less shame, and more space for individuality.
Bridging the Gap: What We Can Learn from Each Other
While the English-speaking world may be ahead in discussing mental health and the nuance of singleness, we must also recognize that Latin American cultures have their own strengths — such as the emphasis on close family ties, community, and faith. What both cultures need, however, is a deeper understanding of the diversity of life paths and the importance of nuance in conversations about relationships.
In English-speaking contexts, there’s a push for people to redefine success on their own terms, and the same could be valuable in Latin American cultures. Rather than prescribing a universal timeline for relationships, we need to create space for people to live out their own journeys, free from the shackles of societal judgment.
It’s time we all — regardless of where we’re from — started leading conversations with empathy, grace, and a deeper understanding of the unique paths that everyone is walking. Singleness doesn’t have to be a stigma, nor does it mean that something is wrong with you. It simply means that your story is unfolding at its own pace — and that’s okay.
Conclusion
Let’s make room for nuance in the way we talk about relationships and singleness. Therapy can be a beautiful tool for growth, but let’s not make it the only answer for people who don’t fit society’s narrow expectations. Whether you’re in an English-speaking or Spanish-speaking environment, remember: Your worth is not defined by your relationship status. Embrace your journey with grace, and trust that God’s timing is perfect — no matter where you are.
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