Whether you love or hate math, there’s one particular calculation singles are experts at. Our brain is constantly calculating this on autopilot. And it is this precise calculation that helps us determine the places we visit and where we choose to hangout.
Singles have a way of calculating the chance of meeting someone at a particular event or setting. It is this calculation that many times informs our every move. We make decisions based on this calculation. Ironically, we are so accustomed to this calculation that we hardly ever leave anything to chance. We tend to follow our calculated instincts.
What is chance
Chance is synonymous with probability. So when singles calculate the chance of meeting someone, in essence, they are calculating the probability of meeting someone of interest.
Mathematically speaking, probability is a measure of how likely an event is to occur. It is expressed as a number between 0 and 1. Within this range, it is understood that:
- 0 means the event will NEVER happen; and
- 1 means the event will ALWAYS happen.
Probabilities are most often expressed as a percentage between 0% and 100%. If we say we have a 50% probability of something happening, we are believing that there’s a chance that it is likely to happen every other time.
And before you roll your eyes and scroll away, I can assure you that is about the extent of this mathematical explanation.
You see, chance is more than just a coincidence or luck or wishful thinking. It is a deliberate computation arrived at by a variety of factors. And singles know this all too well, whether they are conscious of it or not.
Always, never, or something in between
The likelihood of an event occurring can be influenced by many different factors. But this is not always the focus for singles. We don’t think too much about the factors. More often than not, what we tend to dwell on is whether there is a chance of encountering someone we like. The probability is always top of mind.
When it comes to meeting someone, our decisions often fall on a spectrum, somewhere between ALWAYS, NEVER, and MAYBE. If there’s always a chance, we’re all in. If there’s never a chance, we don’t even pretend to care. But if there’s even a small fraction of a chance, just a hint of possibility, we’ll show up. It’s that hopeful “in-between” we tend to chase.
The reality of the situation is that most of us are looking for chance. We are hopeful for something in between 0 and 1 chance. We are hyper vigilant for the settings, whether it be places or situations, that promise something in between never and always.
I am convinced this is precisely the reason why many of us maintain low engagement with all-women or all-men events. A woman going to an all-women setting promises 0 chance to meet someone of the opposite sex. And the same can be said for a man going to an all-men setting.
Ultimately, this is why we want social gatherings. We want the in-between 0 and 1 chance of meeting people of interest. The funny thing is that even when singles say they are not looking to date, they may still want fellowship with a chance for something more.
But there’s a quiet cost to living in “probability mode.” When our social choices revolve around the likelihood of meeting someone, we can become guarded or transactional without realizing it. We stop showing up for the joy of connection itself. We start evaluating people and spaces based on potential outcomes instead of simply being present. Over time, that mindset can rob us of authentic friendship and spiritual growth, the very things that prepare our hearts for genuine love.
I am not basing this on theory; I am writing from experience! I’ve been the computational single for a part of my singleness. I know what it is like to make choices based purely on the probability of meeting someone I am interested in. However, I have learned to find rest in God’s sovereignty.
The truth is, many of us rely on these invisible calculations to guide our choices, how we spend our time, who we talk to, and where we show up. But as much as we like to think we’re managing our chances well, faith doesn’t always follow formulas. Life doesn’t operate on perfect probabilities. And sometimes, God moves in ways that completely disrupt our equations.
But God orders our steps
But as much as I love a good calculation, faith doesn’t always follow formulas. While our choices may be based on our calculated probabilities, the truth is that God orders our steps when we live surrendered to Him.
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
Proverbs 16:9 (NLT)
When our actions are based on the hopeful chances we perceived, and the results are disappointing, it is tempting to question everything, even including the nature of God. Disappointment has a way of clouding our thoughts and feelings to the point that it may blind us.
When you are convinced that something should ALWAYS produce a certain result, but things don’t come to fruition, allow God to reveal His will. And if you have resigned to live believing that meeting someone will NEVER happen, allow God to whisper to you His plans for your life. Seeking God’s will and listening for His plan for your life, requires we get to know God personally.
A lot of times, our expectations of God hinder our understanding of His being. We tend to judge the character of God based on whether He delivered against our expected wishes and desires. Yet, God must be known for who He is. In knowing His being, we will be able to take comfort in trusting Him when our expectations are not met.
So if your calculated chances yield nothing favorable, I encourage you not to give up hope. God’s thoughts outweigh our calculated probabilities. And His ways are different than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). Our task is simply to grow in understanding His ways in everything we do, even the chances we take.
Allow me to submit this question to you: What would change if we stopped calculating and started trusting God’s timing with the same intensity we analyze our chances?
P.S. Written by human intelligence.
❤️,
Jarissa
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